It’s Saturday and my brain has fallen out, has anyone seen it?

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Jazzercize, kelp noodles, and ecstatic dance.

That was my Wednesday.

You know, I kind of don’t even surprise myself anymore. Ha. Not that I’m predictable by any means, buuuut whenever I do something weird now it’s not weird. It’s just normal. Weird is my normal.

And I am SO okay with that.

Welcome to my weirdness. Not that you weren’t inundated with it already anyway—I make sure that enough of it makes it onto the blog so you can get a sufficient picture. Just in case you were at all unsure…

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But you LOVE my weirdness! Which is why you’re reading this anyway. Or just skip to the recipe if you’ve had enough weirdness for one day, it’s fine, we can still be friends.

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And one more thing. I just got off work and I need to get this off my chest. PLEASE KEEP YOUR DEMON CHILDREN OUT OF MY STORE.

Whew. Okay. I feel better now. But seriously. I like children. Really, I do. But I most definitely don’t appreciate them running screaming through the store and slamming things. Or attempting to slam each other into the bathroom door. Excuse me but WHERE IS YOUR PARENTAL UNIT?! And why aren’t they attached to you?? This is emphatically not babysitting, thankyouverymuch I am not paid for that so… no. Just no. There were two spectacular specimens of demon children in the store today that were completely unaccompanied and unsupervised for a good half an hour… really people? If you have children and take them shopping, please keep them attached to your person so that I don’t inadvertently drop kick them out of my section. Okaythanksherearesomestretchypantsbye.

Now I really feel better. And if you’ve stuck with me this long, here’s the reward for your waiting: a kelptastic noodley bowl! Yay!

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Kelptastic Noodle Bowl

Gluten free, vegan, and stuff. Like low carb, whatever whatever blah blah but really? It’s just delicious. Trust me. Recipe is from the depths of my brain and stomach. I was hungry, so this happened. Eeeeasillyyyy adaptable so use whatever you have on hand, but this particular combo is my favorite. In the pictures I used leftover chicken but I actually liked it better with black beans, so use whatever you have/like. I got three lunch servings (for me) out of a package of kelp noodles—probably would be enough dinner for 3.

  • 1 package kelp noodles, rinsed and cut into smaller pieces
  • two good handfuls of white mushrooms, chopped
  • 1 bell pepper, diced
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed and drained
  • 3 small Persian cucumbers, diced
  • 3 tbsp almond butter (mine was salted)
  • 1 tsp freshly grated ginger
  • a good splash of coconut aminos (roughly 1 tbsp)
  • 1- 2 tbsp bragg’s liquid aminos*
  • 1 avocado, diced

*I use this to taste at the end—it depends on how salty your almond butter is or isn’t

Rinse and cut up kelp noodles so they’re a little more manageable. Toss all diced veggies into a steamer and steam until tender. In the bottom of a bowl large enough to hold all your veggies and noodles, whisk together almond butter, ginger, and coconut aminos. Add several tablespoons of warm water to thin out the sauce, then toss noodles, steamed veggies, beans, and cucumbers into the bowl and stir to combine, until sauce is evenly distributed. Salt and pepper as needed, and top with avocado. Devour immediately, obviously.

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Talking bananas and some chicken

Well firstly, Jessie wants to say hi.

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And she also wants me to tell you how incredibly helpful she is when I blog. Like… soooo helpful. See?

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And also (and slightly more to the point),  my bananas are talking to me again.

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So I did them a favor and made banana bread with spouted quinoa flour and honey and coconut oil, which in reality did ME a huge favor because whatever, banana bread is maybe my favorite food thing ever. evereverever.

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And then I made this chicken thing… and put it in direct sunlight to photograph it because I was feeling sassy. Sorry I’m not sorry I’m breaking all the food photography rules…

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It’s delicious and an easy way to fix chicken—I do it on the regular when I want a fast lunch. This time I ate it with quinoa and avo because really—everything just gets better with avo.

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Coconut Amnio Marinated Chicken

Serves… however many you like, depending on how much chicken you use! The so-called ‘recipe’ is from somewhere deep in the depths of my brain. Healthy, fast and delicious (also gluten free!).

  • chicken breasts, thawed and sliced into thin strips
  • 1-2 tbsp coconut aminos
  • 1 tbsp seasoned rice wine vinegar
  • 1/2 tbsp coconut oil (per 1 chicken breast), or other high heat oil for sautéing

Defrost chicken, and slice it into small bits or thin strips. In a small bowl, combine coconut aminos and rice wine vinegar, and add thawed chicken. Let it marinate for however long—I’ve left it for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour (usually I’m hungry). Heat a skillet over medium and toss in a bit of coconut oil (or your preferred high heat oil). Once the pan is heated, add chicken, stirring periodically so all sides are dooone.

Eat with whatever! I like it in sushi, over faro, veggies, or another grain…. or really any way. But make sure you add avo, whatever you do!

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This is how I roll: Like a BOSS!

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GUYS.

I MADE SUSHI!!!

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You have no idea how excited I am about this. Well, maybe you do, given the excessive use of capitals and exclamation points, but really. I feel like a proud parent of my little sushi children. What’s more, I didn’t use a tutorial (ain’t nobody got time for that) but just used the instructions on the back of t the nori wrapper. Like. A. Boss.

I know you’re not supposed to say your own food is amazing but I’m going to flagrantly break this rule as a) they were freaking delicious and b) I wasn’t the only one eating them and thinking they were delicious and c) my birthday is tomorrow so I can do what I want! Ha.

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I’ve always loved sushi anyway—my parents started me early, and I was always asking to go to this sushi bar that had revolving boats in front of you with fresh sushi. Totally dangerous, because you end up going from ‘dang I’m hungry’ to ‘does a wheelbarrow come with this??’ in about thirty seconds. At least my dad introduced me early to raw fish and these little crabby things that he told me were like potato chips. So I ate them. Such trickery. And I always thought the orange fish roe was interesting looking, so I probably ate that too just because I liked the glowing orange globs. Such a visual child…

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I do love raw fish but I wasn’t about to expend that much energy or resources to source some (especially on a Friday, noooo thank you I’m tired and lazy) so these are chicken rolls! Not terribly traditional, but I really don’t care–they were awesome and they look like authentic sushi rolls so who’s judging? Besides, the chicken is marinated in rice wine vinegar and coconut aminos, so really—what more could you ask for?! But seriously. These are startlingly easy, they just require some prep time. Make them!! Be a proud parent of your sushi roll-lets. They’re adorable, and delicious. And your cats might be interested in them too…

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Um, Nosh?? You’re casting a shadow..
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hahahhaha. These are sanitary, I promise!

Forbidden Rice Sushi

Makes approximately 6 rolls—I had a nori packet with 7 sheets but I was only feeding three, so I made 6 and we ate the leftover nori sheet plain. I had a bit of leftover quinoa and made a roll that was combined rice/quinoa—also delicious!

  • 1 c Forbidden (black) rice
  • 2 c water
  • 2 Persian cucumbers, sliced very thinly
  • 1 large avocado
  • 3 chicken breasts, defrosted
  • 2 tbsp coconut aminos
  • 3 tbsp seasoned rice wine vinegar+3 tsp (approx)
  • 2 tsp refined coconut oil
  • toasted nori sheets
  • sushi mat for rolling
  • extra sharp serrated knife
  • Bragg’s liquid aminos or soy sauce for dipping

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Sometime earlier in the day (so that your rice has time to cool), make yo’ rice! Bring 2 c of water to a boil in a medium saucepan, then add rice and stir once or twice before covering and reducing to a simmer. Simmer for about 30 minutes, until the rice is still a little chewy and the water has been absorbed. Once rice is done, season it with a bit of salt and about 3ish tsp of rice wine vinegar. Let sit until fully cooled.

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Combine coconut aminos, rice wine vinegar, and a bit of water in a bowl (I approximate the measurements, so taste before you toss in the chicken). Prep chicken by cutting it into thin strips, and let marinate while the pan is heating. Heat coconut oil in a skillet over medium heat—when hot, toss in chicken and cook until chicken is fully cooked, with none of that pink business going on. Let it cool a bit while you prep the other roll ingredients.

Slice avocado and cucumber into thin strips. Place a piece of nori (rough side up) on your sushi mat. Spread rice evenly across the lower 3/4 of the nori, leaving the edge farthest from you rice-free. Lay strips of cucumber, avocado, and chicken across the middle of the rice, and begin rolling from the side closest to you. I found it easiest to guide the roll by rolling the mat back on itself as I began to compress the roll. Wet the far end of the nori with a bit of water so that the roll will stick together once it’s completed. Use the mat to tighten the roll, then let it rest on it’s seam for a minute before cutting. Use a very sharp, serrated knife to cut the rolls, wetting it each time you cut a new roll.

Roll, repeat, roll, repeat!

Obviously there are lots of ways to customize this—I made some veggie rolls and some with chicken, but the chicken ended up being my fave! Roll to your heart’s content, then slice and serve. I ate mine with a bit of Bragg’s liquid aminos for dipping. These best the day they’re made, but would probably keep fairly well in the fridge for a day or so.

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