dessert – Page 20 – Wait…are those…cookies?!

July 6, 2014

Light side? Or…. dark side?!

So, are you on the light side?

Or…

The dark side?

Both are equally appealing…

B(lond)rownies are kind of like the Force. They have a light side, and a dark side… and they undeniably hold the universe together. My universe, anyway, I can’t speak for yours…

But really, when brownies are holding your universe together, that universe is pretty freakin fab!

I was a little more inclined to the dark side today with these. Dense, fudgy and rich, with small chunks of chocolate chips.. mmm. Doesn’t get much better than that. Except when there’s peanut butter added to your chocolate, in which case the ridiculous deliciousness of these skyrockets into the stratosphere.

But then there’s these.

And if you’re feeling like maybe your inclinations push you to the light side (blue, green and purple are pretty awesome lightsaber colors), there’s these. Dense, chewy-crumbly, with an almost graham cracker-like taste. And chocolate chips. Of course.

Actually, much like the dichotomy in the Force (and the real universe..) these two complement each other startlingly well. The deep dark fudgy of one plays nicely against the lighter molassesy flavor of the other.

So go ahead. Indulge your dark side and your light side, and make a batch of both. You never know when the mood might strike, or when your universe might become ruled by baked goods in the best possible way….

Deep Dark Peanut Butter Brownies

This recipe is from Minimalist Baker, here! It’s freaking fabulous so I didn’t change a thing (other than omitting the powdered sugar and subbing in maple). Makes about 12 good sized brownies, in an 8 by 8 pan. Vegan, gluten free, and refined sugar free!

1 can (15 oz) of black beans, rinsed and drained
2 tbsp flaxseed meal+5 tbsp water
3 tbsp melted coconut oil
3/4 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 c pure maple syrup
1/4 c coconut sugar
1/2 c creamy salted peanut butter
1 tbsp pure maple syrup
1/3 c extra dark chocolate chips

Lightly grease an 8 by 8 pan, and preheat the oven to 350.

In a food processor, combine flax meal and water and let sit for a few minutes. Add in beans, coconut oil, cocoa powder, salt, baking powder and soda, vanilla, maple syrup, and coconut sugar. Pulse to combine, and let it run for a minute or two—you want this to be very smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips, and pour batter into the prepared pan. In a smaller bowl, stir together peanut butter and maple. Drop dollops of the peanut butter onto the tops of the brownies, and swirl it in with a knife. Top with extra chocolate chips (because, why not?!), and bake for just about 30 minutes. The center should have no jiggle and the edges will pull slightly away from the pan. Let cool almost completely before slicing, as they’re a little fragile when warm. Store in the fridge in an airtight container!

Light Side Blondies

These are adapted only slightly from Worth Cooking, here! The recipe makes about 12-14 wedges if you make it in a 9″ round cake pan, as I did. E and I decided these reminded us slightly of graham crackers in the way they tasted, and they’re dense, chewy and vanilla-y. They’re gluten free with oat flour, as originally written, but I was out. Vegan and refined sugar free!

1/4 c flaxseed meal
1/2 c water
1 tbsp molasses
1.25 c whole wheat pastry flour
1/3 c tapioca starch
3/4 c coconut sugar
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
7 tbsp melted coconut oil
2 tbsp vanilla (Yes, you read that right!)
1/3 c extra dark chocolate chips

Lightly grease a 9″ round cake pan (or square, or whatever). Preheat the oven to 350.

In a smallish bowl, whisk together flaxseed, water, and molasses and let sit. In a larger bowl, whisk together whole wheat pastry flour, tapioca starch, coconut sugar, salt, and baking powder. Add in flax mix, followed by coconut oil and vanilla. Stir to combine, tossing in the chocolate chips as you go. Spread the batter into the prepared pan, and bake for just about 30 minutes. The top should be firm, and the blondies will pull away from the sides of the pan slightly. Let cool a bit before slicing. I have no leftovers… but if I had, I would have stored them in the fridge ;)

June 15, 2014August 5, 2017

Sometimes you just gotta go big

You know those times.

For when there’s a dinner party with besties+boys and you’re bringing dessert (because um obviously, why would I bring anything else?!) and really… dinner party desserts = epic. Because on a random week day cookies or a simple sheet cake are all well and good, but a layer cake? I wish. I mean, I could but a) unfortunately don’t have time for that and b) I would be a zillion pounds if I baked like this all the time.

BUT. For a dinner party? Absolutely. Keep that in mind, all y’all who want my desserts… invite me to your next din din shenanigans! Ha. I totally break the silly rule allllll the time that says you’re not supposed to try out new recipes on guests (or I suppose hosts) but HELLO if I did that I would never make anything new, so too bad. Luckily enough not only was this not an unmitigated disaster, but it was freaking fantastic. Like maybe the best cake I’ve made and eaten in…. months. At least.

Mutti said it was the best cake I’d ever made… and I went home with one slice out of an entire two layer, 9″ cake. Hmm… I think I’m picking up on something here… this cake was DAMN good. I know I know, you’re not supposed to say your own food is good but I can’t help it because I want this all over again and it’s gone and what whyyyy?!

I may have to make this again. Really really really soon. Someone have a dinner party!! Extra points if it’s themed and there’s a costume element… just mentioning…

Don’t wait till your next dinner party to make this. Do yourself a favor, and then have cake for breakfast. Because we all know that’s what you get to do when you’re an adult.

Banana Caramel Cake with Salted Coconut Caramel and Caramel Buttercream

Besides that this is utterly DELICIOUS, it also happens to be refined sugar free! The caramel is paleo (though the cake isn’t), and the cake is made with whole wheat flour so you get a bit of good fiber and whole grains with your decadence. Cake and buttercream recipes are slightly adapted from the Kitchn, here, and the caramel comes from An Edible Mosaic, here! Makes one two layer, 9″ cake, enough buttercream to fill and top cake, and a generous amount of caramel because OF COURSE you want some left over for drizzle purposes later. I recommend making the caramel a day early, so you can just do cake+buttercream the day you’re eating all the goodness.

Salted Coconut Caramel

Makes more than enough to drizzle over cake while frosting, plus more for drizzle purposes just prior to eating. AND has enough for leftovers later. Win win win. The yield is somewhere around 2.5 cups of caramel. You’ll use at least 1.5 generous cups for the cake+buttercream, and then at least another 1/2 cup for drizzle.

2 cans full-fat coconut milk
1/2 c pure maple syrup
1/2 c coconut sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp unsalted butter
scant 1 tsp fine sea salt

In a saucepan over medium high heat, combine coconut milk, maple, and coconut sugar. Let it boil, then turn it down so it’s just barely boiling, with the bubbles just breaking the surface. Whisking continuously, cook for 15-20 minutes, until the caramel has thickened slightly (though it will still be a runnier caramel, that’s fine), the liquid has reduced, and the color is darker. I cooked mine for a bit over 20 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla, butter, and sea salt, and whisk until smooth. Let cool completely in the pan, then store in a sealed jar in the fridge [because we know I store everything in jars anyway].

Banana Caramel Cake

3/4 c grass-fed, unsalted butter, softened to room temp for an hour
3/4 c coconut sugar
3 eggs
3 c whole wheat pastry flour
1.5 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 c unsweetened almond milk
2 tsp vanilla
1.5 c mashed, ripe bananas (about 4-5 bananas)
heaping 1 c of coconut caramel (recipe above)

Preheat the oven to 325, and grease two 9″ baking pans with coconut oil/butter.

in a large bowl, cream together the softened butter and coconut sugar (I used a hand mixer), until fluffy. Add in the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition until the batter becomes silky looking and slightly lighter in color.

In a smaller bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and sea salt. Thoroughly mash bananas in a small bowl, then whisk them together with the almond milk and vanilla. Begin adding flour mixture and banana mix into the butter+eggs bowl, beating after each addition and alternating dry-wet-dry-wet-dry until incorporated. Pour batter into prepared pans. Pour a heaping 1/2 cup of caramel over each pan, and use a knife to swirl the liquid into the cake batter (it’s best if it isn’t completely incorporated, leave some caramelly pockets).

Bake for 45-50 minutes, when a tester should come out clean. Let cool in the pans for a few minutes, then run a knife around the edges and turn them out onto cooling racks. Let cool completely before frosting.

Caramel Buttercream

1/2 c grass fed, unsalted butter
1/2 c caramel sauce (recipe above)
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 c powdered sugar

In a largeish bowl, use a hand mixer to beat together butter, caramel sauce, vanilla, and sea salt until mostly incorporated and smooth(don’t worry if at first it looks a little grainy, mine smoothed right out after I beat in the sugar). Pour in powdered sugar, and beat until a silky frosting forms.

Once cake is completely cool, flip the bottom layer carefully onto your cake plate of choice, frost the middle, then flip the other layer on top. Frost that, using as much buttercream as humanly possible. Be a little careful, as this frosting tends to slip a little bit (don’t make any radical maneuvers with your cake whilst transporting or anything). Top with more drizzled caramel (obvi), and some unsweetened shredded coconut+chopped pecans if that floats your boat (it very much floated mine and my dinner companions). It’s also especially awesome with good vanilla ice cream…

Store the cake in the fridge prior to serving, as well as any leftovers (ha, I dare you).

June 12, 2014August 5, 2017

Extraordinarily long and delicious sandwich names

Okay Peeps. Here are some interesting tidbits I’ve mentally noted over the last several weeks at work. They’re like… retail pet peeves and rules. Anyone who has ever worked in retail: you get this. Anyone who hasn’t… take mental notes!! Ha. I’m sure you’re a totally fab, contentious shopper though, right?? Right. As I thought (Otherwise we wouldn’t be cool internet friends, because I’m only friends with cool peeps).

1. If I greet you all cheerfully three feet from the door, chirping, “HELLO! How are you doing today?”, the normal response is “Oh fine thanks, how are you?”. A normal response is NOT: a) staring blankly at me like I’m an alien; b) rudely ignoring me and walking the other way [look. I promise I won’t stalk you while you shop. I’m simply SAYING HELLO]; c) staring at me like I’m an alien for 5 seconds, and then tentatively asking, “Um.. do you work here?” … No. of course not. I just stand inside the doors of random retail establishments greeting people with a silly grin on my face. All day. For fun.

…

OF COURSE I work here. I also don’t fold massive stacks of pants or ring people up on the tills for funzies, so if I’m doing either of those things, pleeeeeease don’t ask me if I work here. Really. I do. I promise.

2. What is it about a freshly folded stack of whatever that just screams “I’M FRESHLY FOLDED! UNFOLD ME AND DUMP ME EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING THE FLOOR!”. WHY do people decide to rifle through the piles of freshly folded things when I am right there refolding?! You know, asking is awesome. I would be SO HAPPY to pull out that shirt for you, maintaining the crispness of my previous folding work, rather watch and seethe as the invasive hands come in and extricate the shirt third from the bottom, leaving the rest in questionable assorted piles.

3. Just because someone opens the door on their way out of the store after we’re closed, does SO not mean sneaking in to shop post-close is acceptable. It’s not. We’re CLOSED!! Closed does not equal private shop time. I have shit to fold, people! Remember all those nice looking piles?? Yep. Remembering is key since they soooo don’t look like that anymore.

I do kind of laugh at all this, though… some of the weirdest stuff makes for the best stories anyway, so sometimes weird is good. But really. Retail. Oi. It is a beast unto itself.

Which is why I invented this:

To eat after a day of being stared at like an alien and asked if you work there elevendy billion times. Oh. And for those days when you dream of folding pants in your sleep…

So here is this epically fantastic sandwich that I made last night. For dinner. Because only really, really cool people eat this kind of thing for dinner. Aren’t you SO glad you’re friends with one?! Or at least we’re invisible internet friends. That’s a relief… otherwise, this might not exist in your life and then you’d be sad.

Grilled Banana, Dark Chocolate and Pecan Butter Sandwiches

Clearly this needs a shorter name, but hoooomg I don’t care because it tastes so fantastic I needed to spell everything out for you. OH. And there’s coconut in there too, which obviously just makes everything amazing. This is in no way gluten free, vegan (hellloooo, butter) or savory, but hey. Life is all about moderation (and obvi subs can be made: olive oil or vegan butter, gf bread, etc).
I LOVE grilling sammies. They are SO much better that way. This recipe serves makes 2 messy, delicious sammies… I suggest eating them with someone who loves food, just like you!

4 slices of sturdy whole grain bread
4 tsp good-quality salted butter
8 tbsp chocolate pecan butter (recipe below)
2-4 tbsp unsweetened shredded coconut (Depending on how much you love coconut)
4 tbsp dark chocolate (mine was 70%)
1 banana

I’m going to assume you could figure this out, but just in case… Butter the outsides of two slices of bread, then flip one over and liberally spread 2 tbsp of pecan butter thoroughly over the side. Sprinkle coconut over it, then top with 1/2 a banana, thinly sliced, and 2 tbsp dark chocolate. Spread another 2 tbsp of pecan butter over the other unbuttered side of bread, then smoosh it all (carefully) together, butter sides out. Grill in a pan over medium-low heat until the outsides are perfectly browned (and a little burnt, if you’re me) and the insides are just perfectly melty. Repeat for a second sammie… then cut into triangles and indulge shamelessly.

Eat immediately. There will not be leftovers, obviously…

Chocolate Pecan Butter

Not too sweet, with the emphasis on pecans—think along the lines of almond butter. Gluten free, dairy free, paleo, vegan. Yaddayaddayada… let’s just say it’s delicious, mmk?! Yield: about 1 cup.

1.5 c raw pecans
1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1.5 tsp vanilla extract
a good hefty pinch of sea salt

Process pecans in a food processor until a butter starts forming—-you’ll probably need to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl, to integrate the really blended and not-so-blended stuff. Keep processing until the butter is smoother, about 2-4 minutes, depending on the strength of your food processor. Add in cocoa powder, vanilla, and salt, and pulse to combine. Taste and adjust seasoning to your personal preference! Maple would be good here, if you wanted it sweeter.

Store in a sealed jar in the fridge for a week or two (assuming it lasts that long. Mine lasted 2 days, ha).

May 27, 2014

Corn husks are obnoxious little suckers

Okay so there’s this unwritten rule/trend thing in the food blogger universe that you’re apparently supposed to make red, white and blue food on Memorial Day. Barring that, at least burgers. And probably alcohol. At least barbecue-outside-summer-food. For heaven’s sake, grill SOMETHING.

I charred something, does that count??

Oops.

Sorry.

Except not really because um HELLO, TAMALES AND FLAN?!

I just like to be different.

This was sort of like a Carneval meets Cinco de Mayo meets Memorial Day mash-up kind of feast. And I wouldn’t have it any other way in my nutty food universe. Straight up homemade green chile chicken tamales + coconut sugar flan + vegan, gf, refined sugar free peanut butter date-oat cookies (because there was time in between roasting the tomatillos, soaking the corn husks, and pureeing chilies and garlic and rolling/tying/otherwise fighting with the tamale wrappings—who knew corn husks were so freaking stubborn?!). But SO fun to make. Talk about feeling accomplished with your Sunday—tamales, cookies, homemade chicken stock, and flan all in about 4.5 hours? Boom.

And even better, I had a cooking buddy! My friend Jill (of the blog Halfway There) and I have regular baking-cooking-kitchen shenanigans get togethers, and this was the latest. We both decided that tamales are WAY more fun with friends. Those corn husks are obnoxious little suckers… [isn’t there some saying to the effect of ‘shared pleasure in increased, shared pain is decreased’?? Something like that, which DEFS applies to tying tamales. Oi. We almost busted out the twine].

And then I had a FAB dinner… AND lunch o’ leftovers on Monday when I got to work for time and a half (yippee!!). Happy belated holiday weekend! Aren’t you glad you’re invisible internet friends with this weirdo who doesn’t bust open the grill on Memorial Weekend? Yeah. Me too.

And okay okay I know this picture is suuuuper inelegant but whatever. This was one of those “OMG! I have a thousand pretty pictures of the wrapped tamales and I’m hungry and OMG WAIT I JUST TOOK A BITE HOW IS THIS SO GOOD must share with my invisible internet friends but my food looks… um questionable by this point?! But they want to know!!! Snap snap snap” moments. You know. I promise that mess down there was mega delicious. Promise.

Green Chile Chicken Tamales

Recipe only mildly adapted from Epicurious, here. Jill and I got about 18 good-sized tamales out of our batch, with a bit of leftover masa dough and chicken filling (we ran out of decent husks, which was fine by me since then I got leftover filling for lunch… and we got sick of tying them, haha). We also doubled the amount of the sauce, which are the amounts I’ll include below.

1 6 oz bag of corn husks, soaked for at least 3 hours [place in a large pot, pour water over, and weight with a small pan so they stay submerged]

1 pound of tomatillos, husked+rinsed
4 jalapeños, seeded with ribs removed
4 serrano peppers, seeded with ribs removed
8 small garlic cloves
a good glug of olive oil
2 c low sodium chicken broth
4 c packed, shredded chicken [we used the meat off of an entire rotisserie chicken]
2/3 c chopped cilantro

1 1/3 c organic vegetable shortening
1.5 tsp salt*
1.5 tsp baking powder*
4 c freshly ground masa flour
2 c low sodium chicken broth

*only if your masa DOESN’T have these

This only looks complicated… it’s just time consuming!

Method can be found here [ugh I’m just too lazy to type it all out and we followed it exactly sooo…. yeah. Laziness ensues].

Coconut Sugar Flan

Again, not too difficult, though I for some reason always thought it would be. Yield: 8 ramekins or custard cups. It is refined sugar free and gluten free, but that’s about all you can say… sorry I’m not sorry this isn’t good for you! Ha. Sometimes you just gotta indulge. The recipe is adapted from Food 52, here!

1/2 c coconut sugar
3/8 tsp sea salt, divided
5 eggs
3 c half and half
1/2 c coconut sugar (no, that’s not a typo…)

Move your oven racks to the lower third, and preheat the oven to 350. Start a pot of water boiling on the stove. You’re going to need a water bath for this, so find a casserole dish or a baking dish that can comfortably hold all 8 of your ramekins. Set it all aside.

Whisk together 1/2 c coconut sugar+1/4 tsp sea salt in a small bowl. Pour the sugar/salt mix into the bottom of each ramekin, making sure the sugar is relatively evenly spread (I found it helpful to shake the ramekin slightly so the sugar would settle).

In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, the other 1/2 c of coconut sugar, and remaining 1/8 tsp of salt until well combined. Heat the half and half in a saucepan until just steaming—you should be able to stick a finger in just barely, but it should be too hot for you to want to leave it there. Let the half and half cool for just a few minutes, then temper the eggs by pouring a ladleful at a time of the hot half and half into the eggs, whisking vigorously the whole time (nobody wants scrambled eggs in their flan. Ewwww), until you’ve poured in all your half an half. If you’ve ended up with egg bits, strain the mixture now (Jill and I have super whisking skills, there were no egg bits to be seen, yessss). Carefully skim the foam off the top of the liquid, then ladle the mixture careful into the ramekins, being careful not to disturb the sugar. Some will float up, but if you do it slowly enough most of it should stay down.

Remember that pan of boiling water? Yep, we need it now. Pour it carefully around the ramekins, until it comes about halfway up the sides of the dishes. CAREFULLY place this whole thing onto the bottom rack in your preheated oven. Bake until the flan is *just* wobbly in the center—-the very center should wobble, but it will look like it’s wobbling under a more solid top—-about 25-30 minutes, depending on your ramekin size and depth. Remove from the water bath with tongs, and let cool for 15 minutes before moving them to the fridge to chill for at least 4 hours.

To serve, run a thin knife around the edges of the custard and invert onto a plate. Ogle the amazing saucy, custardy deliciousness that has just appeared on your plate, and thank all the gods you decided to make tamales and flan on a random Sunday. Mmm.

Leftovers can be stored in the fridge, but wait what?! You have leftovers?? Hold the phone, I’m coming over…

May 4, 2014

If life hands you lemons, you should obviously make lemon bars

LEMON BARS!

With MEYER LEMONS!!

Life doesn’t get much better than that.

Especially since we had a random little heat wave in the middle of last week. And of course, it hit Thursday and I immediately wanted cookies because apparently Thursday=cookies. But seeing as it was waaaayyy too hot for any normal person to want to even consider turning on the oven, I wisely opted for no bake, raw lemon bars. Because they took about thirty seconds to throw together and then all I had to do was shove them in the fridge for chill time until I ate them. Lazy lazy and very nearly instant cookie gratification. Wheee!!!

Also, I love lemon desserts but I’m wildly picky. For instance, I find most lemon loaf cakes to be waaaayy too sweet—almost cloying and definitely icky. I love lemon scones and lemon curd—both of those are usually a good balance of not too sweet and just sweet enough. These bars totally fall into that category too—they’re not overly tart, but neither are they stupid-sweet.

Besides all that, they also happen to be raw, vegan, gluten free, and refined sugar free! Sooo…. breakfast, anyone??

And really. Anything with Meyer lemons: sign me up. They are SO much more exciting than a regular lemon (although these bars would also be delicious with regular lemons, I’m sure). Lemons=spring! Perfect springy dessert/breakfast/feelgoodtreat/younameit/please eat it.

That being said, these take pretty much five minutes to make so you have nooooo excuses. Lemon bars!! With nearly instant gratification!! YAY! Do it.

Raw Meyer Lemon-Coconut Bars

Recipe lightly adapted from Pure Ella, here! Raw, vegan, no bake, gluten free, and refined sugar free. They’re full of healthy fats and whole grains… AND they’re delicious. Recipe makes about 9 squares—I did mine in an 8 by 8 pan, but I think next time I’ll use something smaller so there’s a better crust to icing ratio.

For the crust:

1/3 c almond flour
1/2 c rolled oats
1/2 c raw buckwheat groats
scant 1/4 tsp fine sea salt
3/4 c dates, pitted (and soaked if they’re hard)
3/4 c unsweetened, shredded coconut
1 tbsp pure maple syrup
fresh zest of one meyer lemon

For the icing:

1/4 c unrefined coconut oil
2 tbsp coconut butter
2 tbsp pure maple syrup
fresh juice of 1/2 a meyer lemon

Line your preferred pan with a parchment paper and set aside.

In a food processor, whiz together almond flour, oats, buckwheat, salt, dates, coconut, maple, and lemon zest until thoroughly mixed and blended (you’ll need to scrape the sides a bit). Upend the processor over your prepared pan, and pat the crust down with your hands until it’s evenly distributed.

In a microwave-safe bowl (or on the stove), melt coconut oil and maple syrup together. Once everything is fully melted, stir in coconut oil and stir until that melts as well. Set aside until this cools off a little, then stir in the lemon juice. Pour all this goodness over your prepared crust, and carefully transfer to the fridge to chill for at least an hour before cutting and serving. Keep it stored in the refrigerator, assuming there’s any left to store…

April 20, 2014April 21, 2014

Happy Peep-Eating Day!

Happy Chocolate-Bunny Eating Day!

Or something.

My dad and his brother started the day off by sending each other peep-eating photos. I guess that would make it Happy Peep-Eating-Day?! Or maybe it was a Peep-Off. Apparently my cousin was also photographed eating them, perhaps it’s a family affair? Whatever. The peep-eating trend obviously stops with me…sorry about that. Given that I absolutely abhor those nasty little piles of sugar-coated marshmallowy goop (nothing personal to the peep eaters out there, vacuum vati notwithstanding), I made this instead! Happy cake eating day to me! Because Easter=chocolate. Because…chocolate. Why do you even need a reason??

And then you add dates and bananas and coconut and more chocolate and mmmmm.

AND you omit the refined sugar and all that gunk. So really, I’m doing vacuum vati a favor by providing some balance to offset his peep-eating ways. Not that a peep (or ten) once a year is a bad thing…. just don’t blame me when you discover your insides are technicolor. Just sayin’.

And really. It’s Eater (I mean Easter, whoops. See??) so that means brunch and eggs benedict and cake and chocolate. Preferably chocolate before breakfast or chocolate ganache eaten with a finger spatula (don’t look at me like that. I know you’ve done it). Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, my Easter has included none of these things except a finger spatula (I did make cake, after all).

MY Easter started off at 5 am with toast… and then a sunrise service…and then shadow yoga studies at nine… and then a ravenous stuffing of basil-y and mushroom-y eggs into my face at 11:30 because I was ravenous after yoga and breakfast at 5; before which I had thrown a two layer cake together in twenty minutes. That is winning, that is. Oh. And I recently ate a truffle (salted caramel dark chocolate), courtesy of my mom who knows me SO well and put only intensely dark chocolate things and raw cocoa nibs in my Easter basket. Thanks mom!

Ramble ramble ramble…

CAKE!

Let’s move on.

Happy ~~eater~~ Easter! Enjoy your chocolate or cake or family or whatever it is that you happen to be doing. Whatever you do, please do yourself a favor and eat something delicious!

Also, one lasty little thingy…. happy 200th posts to me on my bloglet! You go, little bloglet. You’re so cute. I do rather adore you. Consider this a happy 200th-post cake celebration, hooray!

It's Easter. You get a flower! — It’s Easter. You get a flower!

Banana Date Layer Cake

This cake is not for the sweet-loving at heart, given that it is naturally sweetened and naturally not very sweet! But it IS good, so I would recommend it for those of you who either can’t or don’t eat refined sugar. It makes a dense, lightly sweet cake with a rich chocolate ganache. Despite being lightly sweet, it went over quite well for a mixed audience. I think it would be FAB with ice cream…It can be gluten free, if you choose, and it’s refined sugar free. Sub in maple for the honey in the ganache, and it becomes vegan. It’s also fairly easy to whip together, which is always nice. Recipe lightly adapted from Green Spirit Adventures, here! Serves… a lot. I fed this to a big family Easter dinner and we still have a few slices left over for Vacuum Vati’s breakfast.

Banana Layer

3 super-ripe bananas (the nastier looking, the better)
3 dates (soaked if needed)
6 tbsp unrefined coconut oil, melted
1/4 c unsweetened almond milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 c whole wheat pastry flour
1.5 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp fine sea salt

Cocoa-Date Layer

1.5 c unsweetened almond milk
8 dates (Soaked if needed)
6 tbsp unrefined coconut oil, melted
1 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 c whole wheat pastry flour
1/3 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 c coconut sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

Ganache

200 g dark chocolate (I used two 100 g bars of 73%), broken into smallish pieces
1 c unsweetened almond milk
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 tsp vanilla extract
3.5 tbsp tahini
2 tsp raw honey
a hefty pinch of sea salt

Garnish

unsweetened coconut
roughly chopped walnuts and pistachios
extra dark chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350 and lightly grease two round 9″ cake pans. Bake the cakes at the same time for ease of everything…

For the banana layer. Whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl and set aside. Whiz everything else (bananas, dates, coconut oil, almond milk, vanilla extract) together in a food processor until mostly smooth. Toss wet into dry, and stir until just combined. The batter should be really thick—spread it evenly into the prepared pan rather than pouring it (good luck, it won’t pour..). Smooth the top and set aside until you finish the other layer.

For the cocoa date layer: Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, coconut sugar, cinnamon, baking soda and powder, and salt. Wash out your food processor, and whiz everything else together again (told you this was easy): almond milk, dates, coconut oil, almond and vanilla extracts. Wet into dry again, stir to combine again—this will also be a really thick batter, so spread it in evenly.

Bake both cakes at the same time for about 30 minutes (until a tester comes out clean)—my banana layer went for 30 and my cocoa layer for 35. Let cool until you can handle the cake pans, then turn them out to cool completely on a rack.

For frosting purposes, combine almond milk, almond extract, vanilla extract and tahini in a small saucepan over low heat. Once it’s warmed through, add the chocolate pieces and stir until completely melted (I turned off the heat after a few minutes but kept stirring). Stir in honey and salt.

Once all is said and done, find a cake plate… pick your bottom layer, then slap on a good layer of ganache on top of it. Pour a boatload of shredded coconut and chocolate chips into the middle, then slap on the second layer. Drizzle/pour/gratuitously indulge in being messy the rest of the ganache over the top and sides. The goal here is RUSTICATED! Top with chopped nuts, more chippies and coconut.

Glory in its beauty… then slice and eat. Happy Eater!!

April 3, 2014April 2, 2014

Sophisticated cookies and a banana bread fail

Holy balls, batman…

My house smells DIVINE.

Mostly because this just happened:

Mooooore coooookies!! Because really. Do I even need to justify this?! You can never have too many cookies. It’s also Cookie Thursday so, um, HELLO it wouldn’t be Cookie Thursday unless there were cookies. Obvi.

Incidentally I also made some bomb paleo banana bread except that it freaking stuck all over the inside of the pan and now I have a very misshapen and structurally unsound loaf. It is, however, extremely tasty. So, no complaints. Besides, I got to eat the bits that stuck all over everywhere, so I’m obviously not complaining.

You see? Totally not up to seismic code.

I think I have chocolate on my face somewhere.

I haven’t looked in a mirror to ascertain this for certain, but somehow I am quite sure there’s a smear somewhere. Apparently this is standard protocol around here, chocolate-on-face. And on my camera, apparently. I’ve just discovered that as well.

Yes well.. moving on.

Considering I got an enormous batch of florentines and a loaf of banana bread in and out of the oven in about an hour, I am suitably impressed with myself. Quite a productive day, I must say. I located shoes for a June 1st wedding I’m in (wheeee!!!), and made things. And ate a really really delicious salad and some brussels. And now I essentially just want banana bread for dinner. That’s acceptable, isn’t it?? I’m an adult. Surely I can make these educated decisions for myself…

Chocolate Pecan Florentines

Recipe adapted from Brave Tart, here! Yield: 43 cookies [aka an effton]. Thin, crispy-chewy, chocolately, nutty, and sweet. These are… delicious. And not particularly good for you. But hey, life is short and there is NO TIME for anything that isn’t delicious. So make these and eat them and be happy for eating them. And yes… you’re going to have to get out a scale. Soooorrryyyy but sometimes I have to get all technical on you.

12 ounces whole pecans
4 ounces extra dark chocolate chips
6 ounces whole wheat pastry flour
1 ounce unsweetened cocoa powder
8 ounces coconut oil
3.75 ounces raw honey
8 ounces coconut sugar
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
2 tsp finely ground espresso (mine was decaf)
1 tbsp vanilla extract

Line 4 baking sheets with parchment paper (or two, if you’re planning on rotating). And don’t even THINK about skipping the paper. You will hate life in about a half an hour. Preheat the oven to 350.

In the food processor, combine pecans and chocolate chips, and pulse until all the largish chunks are gone. It should be chunky though, not finely ground. Dump all this into a bowl, and add flour and cocoa powder. Stir to combine.

In a medium saucepan, heat coconut oil and honey until liquified. Stir in sugar, salt, and espresso. Bring this to a boil, stirring frequently to ensure the sugar is dissolving. Remove from heat once the sugar has gotten thicker—only a few minutes for me. It should smell like caramel! Stir in vanilla. Let this cool for a few minutes, then pour it into the dry ingredients. Stir to combine.

Drop dough by the tablespoon onto the prepared cookie sheets, leaving enough room between the cookies for them to spread (I got 12 to a cookie sheet). Bake for 13-15 minutes (Mine went more like 15), then remove from the oven and let cool completely on the cookie sheet. I was lazy and left mine irregularly shaped, but feel free to make them perfectly circular with a cutter.

Store in an airtight container. I will most likely store mine in the fridge.

March 13, 2014

Thursday = cookies. Clearly.

Happy Cookie Thursday (which is almost Friday and therefore almost the weekend)!!!

It also happened to be genie pant Thursday. Whatever. My Thursday needed a little sparkle and purple genie pants were obviously the apparel of choice for work.

So anyway, cookies.

I was in a sorority in college. Or rather, I still am a member of said sorority, but I lived in the house for two years during my undergrad. I know, I know. You’re shocked. YOU, you say?? My hippie-granola-genie-pant-wearing self in a sorority?! Yep. Better believe it. Thankfully, Willamette is teensy and liberal arts, and therefore has a really different (in a good way) Greek system. My house was full of eclecticaly hilarious and awesome individuals, so I fit right in.

But… what does this have to do with cookies? Well actually… I seem to have retained an ingrained habit of cookies on Thursdays. And for this, I can ~~blame~~ thank living in the house. Our chef made cookies at lunch every Thursday the two years I lived in, and after I moved out my senior year, I sort of kept that up (although I made them probably way more frequently than just once a week, let’s be real here). But nowadays, I seem to have fallen back into the Thursday routine! Which is fab, because if you think about it, Thursdays are a perfect day for cookies. Because it’s not quite Friday and the weekend, and you might need a little pick me up or something, you know? What better than a cookie? And then besides, once the batch is gone, it’s weekend time! Hooray!

Mine shall tide me over until I leave on my yoga retreat this weekend, ahhhh… or rather, let’s make that ommmmm….

Triple Threat Almond Cookies

Thick and a little chewy-crumbly, these cookies are lightly sweet and salty. They remind me a little of salted almond-chocolate, but minus the chocolate (sorry if that makes no sense at all). Gluten free, vegan, refined sugar free, and full of healthy fats. Yield: 10 cookies. I adapted the recipe from La Gallette, here!

1.5 c almond flour
1/4 tsp fine grain sea salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp maple syrup, grade B
2.5 tbsp melted unrefined coconut oil
2 tbsp unsalted almond butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
scant 1/4 tsp almond extract
1/3 c raw almonds, roughly chopped

This is maybe the easiest thing ever. Preheat the oven to 350, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Toss in wet ingredients, and stir to combine, followed by the almonds. The dough doesn’t come together like a typical cookie dough, but you should be able to form balls of it when you squash it together. Roll into about a tablespoon-sized ball, flatten slightly, and place on the cookie sheet. Repeat… obviously… and try not to eat all the dough (which is fab, by the way). Bake for 12 minutes, let cool on the sheet for a minute, then move to a cooling rack. They’re a little crumbly, so be aware when you’re moving them. Mine have all disappeared so I can’t really speak to how well they store… but I usually store things made of almond flour in the fridge if they’re going to hang around for awhile.

February 6, 2014

Whiny ultrasonic phone calls and soothing cookies

Scientific fact: rainy weather = tea + baking.

Obviously. Ask Stephen Hawking, I’m sure he would back me up.

Well… okay maybe not. But the fact that it’s actually FINALLY raining over here in droughty California meant that I obviously had to make cookies and drink tea. Not that those are things I don’t usually do… but I enjoy them so much more when it’s drizzly. Or pouring. Preferably pouring, actually.

And then I can eat a cookie, go dance in the rain, and then come back in and drink tea. A perfect combination of fun things.

Which is a really nice thing after a day at work where apparently the theme of the day was me repeating myself over.and over.and over. and over: *cue really high octave, rather whiny voice*

Caller: “Ummm, hiiiiiii, I was just wonderinggggg” (Seriousy. I’m not joking. For some reason, EVERY SINGLE PERSON that calls the store speaks in whiny-ultrasonic. WHY?!) “if you had this puffy jacket…”
Me: “Yes, actually we do, but I’m sorry, we can’t do holds (as per company policy)..”
Caller: “Okayyyyy so can you do a hold for me?”
Me: “Um, no, I’m sorry… we don’t do holds”
Caller: “But um, you could just hold it for me, riiiight?”
Me: “No. I can’t do holds, I’m sorry.”
Caller: “Buuuuut, you could do one for me, riiiiight? Like, you could just hide it somewhere?”
Me: “Um. No. That’s not really possible… Sorry.”
Caller: “But… I neeeeeed it! Like, can’t you just do one little hold?”
Me: “… “

Really?! The answer the first time is no…and the answer the thirty thousandth time is also no. The more you wheedle, the less likely I am to even consider making an exception… what don’t they understand about the first no?! And speaking in ultrasonic is in no way making me want to be helpful, also taking into consideration that the first “hiiiiiii” pretty much shattered my ear drum? Yeah. No.

BUT! As annoying as these phone calls are, they make excellent stories. So there you have it, my retail annoyance of the day. Go soothe yourself with a cookie, I know it was traumatic…

Now I think I’m going to go locate my snuggle buddy (kitties make the best snuggle buds), my tea, and my novel and go park myself on the couch. It’s a mellow kind of day today… frankly that seems like the perfect activity. Snuggles, tea, and cookies? I’m in.

Almond-Date Cookies

Gluten free, refined sugar free, and vegan! Yay! These little guys are also high in fiber, low in sugar, and filled with healthy fats and good carbs. They’re a little crumbly around the edges, and chewy-dense in the middle. Awesome snacky cookies, or dessert if you’re not into super sweet things. Yield: 15 cookies. Recipe lightly adapted from Running on Real Food, here!

1/2 c almond flour
1/4 c raw almonds, finely chopped (or run through the food processor)
1.5 c rolled oats, finely ground (I also used the food processor for this)
2 tbsp buckwheat groats
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/3 c light coconut milk (canned variety)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp refined coconut oil, melted
1/4 c extra dark chocolate chips
1/2 c dates, finely chopped* (Mine were hard as rocks so I soaked them in hot water for a bit first)
1/2 tbsp coconut sugar*

*I was a little short on dates and really only had between 1/3c and a scant 1/2 c, so I supplemented slightly with 1/2 tbsp coconut sugar. The cookies are lightly sweet.

In a large bowl, whisk together almond flour, chopped almonds, ground oats, buckwheat groats, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. In a slightly smaller bowl, stir together coconut milk, vanilla, and melted coconut oil. Mix wet into dry, then stir in dates, coconut sugar (if using) and chocolate chippies. Chill the dough for 20 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 325, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper (or lightly grease). Roll the dough into balls, and flatten slightly. Bake for 13 minutes, until lightly browned on the top! Remove to a cooling rack after a few minutes to cool completely.

These do best if stored in an airtight container in the fridge.

Happy rain and cookies!

January 25, 2014

An ecstatic moment involving some brûlée-d sugar and a spoon

Not paleo.

Definitely not dairy free.

And there is no way this is vegan.

Sorry I’m not going to be a teensy bit sorry… ever.

Because what this is, is nothing short of…

SPECTACULAR.

Guys. CREME BRÛLÉE. Please excuse all the capitals but really. I’m having an ecstatic moment that I actually made this.

I kind of had some weird ingrained impression that creme brûlée was something fancy I could only get in a fancyschmancypants restaurant. You know, like how english muffins are mysteriously, perfectly english muffiny until you make them? Or maybe that’s just me. Whatever, anyway this is all beside the point as usual.

Point being, I used to looooove creme brûlée when I was a kid. I remember ordering a flight of them at the Ahwahnee in Yosemite when I was fairly little and being excited that it came in three flavors… and then realizing that I apparently still liked vanilla best. I’m a vanilla girl, don’t mess. Why tamper with something already so delicious?? But anyway, I really don’t remember much creme brûlée in the intervening years. What was wrong with me?! And why haven’t I made this before now?? Not to give away any trade secrets or anything, but it’s actually relatively simple (as long as a water bath doesn’t scare you).

But seriously. Besides being delicious, creme brûlée is so fun! I’m like Amelie, I like smacking the top with my spoon and making the sugar crack. The little things are so satisfying…

And speaking of satisfying. This is made with nothing besides cream, egg yolks, and a bit of sugar and vanilla. Go ahead. Indulge yourself, because really—you’re worth it!

Coconut Sugar Creme Brûlée

Apparently I can’t get too far away from my attempt to bring at least a little healthy into everything—-this is technically refined sugar free! Wheee! It’s made with coconut sugar, which is lower in fructose (good), and which retains the minerals, short chain fatty acids, and antioxidants found in the coconut palm from which it comes (also good). Besides that, it’s delicious. It tastes caramel-y and a little earthy to me, and goes spectacularly with vanilla. The awesome recipe came from Grain-Free Goodness, here! Makes six small ramekins.

Acquire the following, and let’s embark on culinary shenanigans:

2 c heavy cream (1 500 mL container; or I think mine was 437 mL or something weird, but ended up exactly 2 c)
5 egg yolks
2 tsp vanilla extract*
6 tbsp coconut sugar+more for brûlée-ing

Preheat the oven to 325, and boil a medium saucepan of water (or use a kettle if you’re lucky enough to have one). You’ll need the water for the water bath, so makes sure it stays at a boil until just before you need it. Procure whatever you’re making your creme brûlée in—-I used three ramekins and three oven-safe coffee cups that were about the same size as the ramekins. You’ll also need a big casserole dish (or two) with deep sides.

In a heavy-bottomed saucepan, heat the cream and the vanilla over low-medium (no higher!), stirring frequently. You want it to come just barely to a simmer, but none of that scalding business– none of that! Once it’s just barely at a simmer, pour it into something with a spout, for ease of pouring later.

While the cream is heating, beat egg yolks with the coconut sugar until creamy. It should lighten in color when the sugar is fully incorporated. With the mixer running, pour a small bit of the hot cream into the egg yolks, beating the whole time so that the eggs don’t cook. Keep pouring small amounts and beating them in, until all the cream is incorporated (once about half the cream has been added, you can add more to the eggs at each pour, since the eggs are already tempered). Skim the froth off the top with a spoon. Pour all this back into whatever pouring thing you used for the cream, and then pour equal amounts of it into the ramekins/cups of choice. Set all the ramekins into the casserole dish, and (CAREFULLY) pour the boiling water into the casserole dish, avoiding the ramekins (no one wants watery pudding). Make sure the water goes about halfway up the sides of your ramekins.

Bake until custards are *just* set—-they should be jiggly in the middle, but not liquidy when you touch them. The surface should be set, with the jiggle happening just below a thin skin of set custard. They’ll set up quite a bit when they cool, so don’t worry if they’re jiggly—they’re supposed to be! No over-cooked custards around here… I baked mine for half an hour (the ramekins), and then 35 minutes for the coffee cups, which were a little deeper. Check them every five minutes after a half hour, just to be safe.

Remove from the water bath and let cool on a cooling rack completely before covering in plastic wrap and chilling in the fridge. They should chill for at least several hours before serving (I did mine the day before I served them, as they keep well in the fridge for several days before you brûlée them).

When you’re ready to eat them, you get to play with fire! Ha. Sprinkle a bit of coconut sugar on the top, attempting to evenly distribute it. You can use a kitchen torch (if you’re lucky and have one, unlike me… anyone want to send me one??) or an old spoon if you’re janky like me. If you use the spoon, heat it over a gas burner on your stove (holding it with an oven mitt just in case, thank you) until you can feel the heat coming off it when you hold a hand a bit away, then press it down onto the sugar. It will caramelize immediately! If the surface of your custard is big, you might need to repeat this a few times. Beware… your spoon will never be the same. But it might encourage you to make this more often, if you have a designated brûlée-ing spoon…

Eat immediately! These don’t keep for more than an hour after they’re brûlée-d, so do yourself a favor and get cracking! Hehe.

to be eaten with a Pooh spoon, obviously.