Wait...are those...cookies?!

August 1, 2014August 1, 2014

Camp=Love.

I’m BACK!! And camp was FAB! And I pretty much didn’t want to leave, as per usual. Except then when we were TRYING to leave, Mother Nature had a good laugh and dumped half a ton of hail into the lake and garnished that with some epic lightning and thunder. No big deal, especially when there’s no vehicle access to camp and everything gets rowed across the lake…

Nothing like a good solid Sierra storm to round out an incredible session. No words… just pictures. Camp is where the heart is!

I mean, this is a food blog after all…. my super awesome campers made two meals al fresco, using three types of cooking! Box oven [cornbread + pineapple upside-down cake], dutch oven [veggie chili+ roasted veggies], and over the coals [quesadillas + banana boats]. So proud!!

Of COURSE you lick your plate. Or foil, as the case may be… this is camp. Obvs. Leftover meatloaf+roasted veggies + guac all on top of a freshly made quesadilla al fresco. Doesn’t get much better than that.

And then of course, you have your friendly wilderness ‘helpers’. Not.

But gunneling is fun!

And my shoes are ridiculous. This is going on at least three years of those being camp shoes… I’m amazed you can even tell what color they are.

Already missing my camp fam, who I only see twice a year (average).

You have to have at least one place where you laugh till the tears and snot run down your face, your abs hurt and you can’t breathe. Somewhere that the people are there not because they are paid, but because they love it with their soul. A place that gets under your skin in the best possible way. Rejuvenates, refreshes, lightens the soul.

Home.

Camp.

Love.

Two Sentinels.

And then sometimes you look like this when you’ve just been caught in a two hour hail storm in running shorts and a tee shirt. Thanks Mother Nature, we love you too! Good thing we’re tough camp types, what’s a little hail?!

July 20, 2014

Baking. Because… camp is imminent!

Welcome to my ritual.

I ALWAYS bake before I leave for camp. I’m not sure when this started but… it did (shocking, I know… me? Baking?! Weird) and I have no reason to be breaking this delicious trend.

And I leave tomorrow! This totally snuck up on me but I am so ready for ten days of mountain fun with my camp fambam. Dirt. Hair that could scrub out a pot (yes, I was told I should do that last summer and immediately decided I would shower; as much as I love having steel wool for hair) (my hair does really interesting things when it isn’t washed for a zillion days) (yes I’m too lazy to shower because I just get dusty again and I’m camping and I’m in the lake soooo who cares?!). Enough with the parenthetical rambles. Moving on.

Campfires where I go to bed smelling like woodsmoke… brownies to die for even though they’re made with a mix, I’m obsessed… eating outdoors, every meal… stars so bright you think your eyes are malfunctioning… singing the most ridiculous songs because you can… yoga on the dock… a complete technology detox… beautiful scenery…friends. My indescribable camp family. So much Two Sentinels love!

But anyway, haven’t left yet, and in between last minute packing, I made these!

Whole wheat buttermilk biscuit peach shortcakes with vegan caramel sauce and ice cream.

Because fruit.

Peeeeeaaacheeesssss. My favorite part of summer. Actually that would be a tough call since I love berries equally as much… all the fruit. I want ALL of it!! But besides that, we happened to have an excess of peaches this week so instead of eating them all leaning over the sink with juice going everywhere, I made dessert. Of course.

And happily fulfilled my pre-camp baking ritual! Happy days. See you on the flip side, let’s hope I get all the dirt off this time (unlike last year.. you know it’s good when there’s still dirt on your face *after* your post-camp shower…)!

Whole Wheat Peach Shortcakes with Vegan Caramel (And ice cream. Obvs)

I like barely sweet shortcakes, since they highlight the super-sweetness of perfectly in-season summer fruit. Mmmm. These are whole wheat, made with buttermilk for a bit of a tang. Perfectly balanced against the sweet peaches and maple caramel.. and ice cream. Because summer dessert = ice cream. Or whipped cream, also fine, I just went with what I had. Shortcake recipe lightly adapted from Food52, here, and caramel borrowed from Blissful Basil, here! Yield: 6 shortcake/biscuits; I made a half batch of caramel for 4 peeps, so those measurements are listed below. Makes about a cup.

For the shortcakes (whole wheat is good for youuuu! So is a little butter now and then):

1.75 c whole wheat pastry flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp fine sea salt
1 tbsp coconut sugar
4 tbsp chilled unsalted butter, cut into smallish pieces
3/4 c buttermilk (mine was low fat)

For the filling:

An excessive amount of peaches, diced (I leave the skin on mine), tossed in a bit of coconut sugar if yours are less than perfectly ripe
ridiculously delicious ice cream of choice

For the caramel (full of healthy fats and good nutrients!! Winning):

1/6 c coconut oil
1/4 c unsalted, creamy almond butter
1/4 c pure maple syrup
1/4 tsp sea salt
1 runneth-over tsp vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 450, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a largeish bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and soda, salt, and sugar. Cut in the butter using your fingertips (my preferred method) or a pastry cutter, until things start looking like coarse cornmeal and the butter is distributed evenlyish. Make a well in the center (look! You get to play with your food!), pour in the buttermilk, then use a spoon or spatula to stir it all together, until just combined (do try not to over mix). Divide the dough into six cute little balls, then flatten slightly and place on the baking sheet. Bake for just about 15 minutes, until the tops are firm and lightly browned. Let cool slightly on a rack before serving.

While the shortcakes are baking, make caramel!

In a small saucepan over medium, heat coconut oil, almond butter, maple, and sea salt over medium until all are melted and incorporated. This shouldn’t take more than a minute or two, which is excellent for instant gratification. Turn off the heat and stir in vanilla. Serve warm or cold, and store leftovers in the fridge!

I could tell you how to assemble your shortcakes but that might insult your intelligence… but I would suggest cutting them in half to get maximum cake square footage to soak up excessive amounts of ice cream and caramel and peach juice…

July 14, 2014

And Stuff.

Weekend Stuff!!

Because… it’s summer and I leave for camp in a week (Yay! Only minor packing stresses left to be stressy about now) and I have had NO time to do anything besides stuff my face with the enormous piles of fruit in my house. Seriously. There is an ABSURD amount of fruit around here for three people (sometimes four. E nicely helps out).

Which is fine. Because it’s summer and that means I want ALL THE FRUIT. ALL THE TIME.

Cherries.Blueberries.Blackberries.Peaches.Apricots.Plums.Pluots.Strawberries.

Pretty sure all of those are represented in the house at this moment. There is fully not enough time in my day to eat all the fruit. Does someone have an extra stomach I can borrow?? I need two.

But anyway. Weekend things! Besides eating fruit, this was dinner yesterday because I ate it at 4:30 and then I went into an ice cream coma. For reals.

That was in fact a brownie ice cream sundae with butterscotch and banana pudding ice cream+whipped cream+caramel (duh)+toasted pecans.

Demolished.

Ps. Go to the Ice Cream Bar on Cole in SF if you want stupid good retro ice cream. Just do it. Or if you’re one of my invisible internet friends NOT from the aybaybay then come visit and I’ll take you because odds are I want to face plant into something like this and will use you as a convenient excuse. Mmk?!

Also. Hhahahaha mustard. But banana slug!!! But actually… mustard.

And this too!! I told you E helped with the fruit, see?? Peach crispy crumbly thing per deux. It got eaten with frozen bananas-turned-ice cream because we decided to be good for a night. The recipe was essentially this (it’s sooooo complicated. NOT):

Cut up two delicious, organical peaches. Toss them into a cute little cast iron skillet. In a smallish bowl, combine 3/4 c almond meal+1 tbsp runny, raw honey +1/2 tsp cinnamon+ 1 tsp coconut oil+ 1/4 c rolled oats+ 2 tbsp unsalted almond butter+ a pinch of sea salt+ 1 tsp vanilla and stir until the crumbly thing comes together. Drop over the top of the cut peaches and bake for close to 15 minutes, until the crumble is a little browned. Serve with some frozen bananas+vanilla+a splash of almond milk processed or blenderized into ice cream. Simple. Delicious. FRUIT!! Obvi. Gluten free, dairy free, refined sugar free, whatnot.

No comments please on my baking methods. There is possibly not a single square inch of available counter space in said photo and that is obviously not an issue. I can always go vertical and start stacking things if necessary…

And also!! These were almond butter cookies that I made FOREVER ago but I forgot to share them until now but LOOK at how perfect they are!!! Clearly these might have had a cookie modeling career if they hadn’t ended up in my stomach so fast.

Ew. It’s one of those days where it’s already hot at 6:30 am and I just came back from jazzercise and… ew. Lucky for you you’re my invisible internet friends, not my sitting-right-next-to-my-sweaty-self friends. And on that lovely note..

Bye. I need fruit.

July 6, 2014

Light side? Or…. dark side?!

So, are you on the light side?

Or…

The dark side?

Both are equally appealing…

B(lond)rownies are kind of like the Force. They have a light side, and a dark side… and they undeniably hold the universe together. My universe, anyway, I can’t speak for yours…

But really, when brownies are holding your universe together, that universe is pretty freakin fab!

I was a little more inclined to the dark side today with these. Dense, fudgy and rich, with small chunks of chocolate chips.. mmm. Doesn’t get much better than that. Except when there’s peanut butter added to your chocolate, in which case the ridiculous deliciousness of these skyrockets into the stratosphere.

But then there’s these.

And if you’re feeling like maybe your inclinations push you to the light side (blue, green and purple are pretty awesome lightsaber colors), there’s these. Dense, chewy-crumbly, with an almost graham cracker-like taste. And chocolate chips. Of course.

Actually, much like the dichotomy in the Force (and the real universe..) these two complement each other startlingly well. The deep dark fudgy of one plays nicely against the lighter molassesy flavor of the other.

So go ahead. Indulge your dark side and your light side, and make a batch of both. You never know when the mood might strike, or when your universe might become ruled by baked goods in the best possible way….

Deep Dark Peanut Butter Brownies

This recipe is from Minimalist Baker, here! It’s freaking fabulous so I didn’t change a thing (other than omitting the powdered sugar and subbing in maple). Makes about 12 good sized brownies, in an 8 by 8 pan. Vegan, gluten free, and refined sugar free!

1 can (15 oz) of black beans, rinsed and drained
2 tbsp flaxseed meal+5 tbsp water
3 tbsp melted coconut oil
3/4 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 c pure maple syrup
1/4 c coconut sugar
1/2 c creamy salted peanut butter
1 tbsp pure maple syrup
1/3 c extra dark chocolate chips

Lightly grease an 8 by 8 pan, and preheat the oven to 350.

In a food processor, combine flax meal and water and let sit for a few minutes. Add in beans, coconut oil, cocoa powder, salt, baking powder and soda, vanilla, maple syrup, and coconut sugar. Pulse to combine, and let it run for a minute or two—you want this to be very smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips, and pour batter into the prepared pan. In a smaller bowl, stir together peanut butter and maple. Drop dollops of the peanut butter onto the tops of the brownies, and swirl it in with a knife. Top with extra chocolate chips (because, why not?!), and bake for just about 30 minutes. The center should have no jiggle and the edges will pull slightly away from the pan. Let cool almost completely before slicing, as they’re a little fragile when warm. Store in the fridge in an airtight container!

Light Side Blondies

These are adapted only slightly from Worth Cooking, here! The recipe makes about 12-14 wedges if you make it in a 9″ round cake pan, as I did. E and I decided these reminded us slightly of graham crackers in the way they tasted, and they’re dense, chewy and vanilla-y. They’re gluten free with oat flour, as originally written, but I was out. Vegan and refined sugar free!

1/4 c flaxseed meal
1/2 c water
1 tbsp molasses
1.25 c whole wheat pastry flour
1/3 c tapioca starch
3/4 c coconut sugar
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
7 tbsp melted coconut oil
2 tbsp vanilla (Yes, you read that right!)
1/3 c extra dark chocolate chips

Lightly grease a 9″ round cake pan (or square, or whatever). Preheat the oven to 350.

In a smallish bowl, whisk together flaxseed, water, and molasses and let sit. In a larger bowl, whisk together whole wheat pastry flour, tapioca starch, coconut sugar, salt, and baking powder. Add in flax mix, followed by coconut oil and vanilla. Stir to combine, tossing in the chocolate chips as you go. Spread the batter into the prepared pan, and bake for just about 30 minutes. The top should be firm, and the blondies will pull away from the sides of the pan slightly. Let cool a bit before slicing. I have no leftovers… but if I had, I would have stored them in the fridge ;)

July 2, 2014July 2, 2014

Midsummer Pepita Pesto Shenanigans

Ugh, here we go again with large hiatuses (hiati-i?!) in between posts. I miss you, invisible internet friends! I do hope things are going swimmingly and that your summer is fab. Defs no complaints on this end, other than a lack of time to blog. Obvs.

But let’s rectify that!

Because I have this AMAZINGGGG summer dish to share today! Last night was date night so I made dinner {and chocolate covered strawberries mmmmm} and then E and I went to see How to Train Your Dragon: 2 [there are no words. I sat there with a silly smile on my face for the entire movie, except when I was frowning in consternation at the screen, willing bad things not to happen. SO. GOOD.] aaannnd then it was late and dinner was forever ago and guess what?! I wanted ice cream. Shocking, I know…

So then because I’m really like five years old, this happened. Sprinkles make everything taste that much better.

But anyway. Back to the real food shenanigans because I’m pretty sure that’s why y’all are here, not to listen to my probably semi-obnoxious rambles about inner fiver year olds. I mean… if you are, though, I could go on… ha. Let’s not.

This is the beyond perfect dish for when it’s stupid hot out and you are really dying for pasta for some reason. I don’t know, it could happen! But this recipe involves only one stove burner for only about a minute, so it’s a [nearly] heat free solution. And it’s FULL of fruit and veg so obviously is my favorite thing ever. AND you can put cheese on it. So um… obvi. Clearly this is a perfect dish.

Top it off with some chocolate covered strawberries [extra dark chocolate+coconut oil melted…having dipping fun…let sit in the fridge for a bit] and you can just consider yourself in gastro heaven. Extra points for the addition of ice cream and a boyfriend who really like ice cream too and will therefore indulge you when you NEED IT NOW.

Pepita Pesto with Zucchini Noodles and Peaches

Vegan [w/o cheese garnish], gluten free. Serves 2 comfortably, with pesto leftover. Light, perfect for summer and peach season (this is obviously best with fresh ones). Recipe lightly adapted from the Vibrant Table cookbook via Food Loves Writing, here! This was such a near-perfect recipe I felt little urge to change it up. Delicious, fast, and summery.

1 c raw, unsalted pepitas
1/2 tsp coconut oil
1/4 tsp sea salt
2 scant tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 c packed fresh basil leaves
3 tbsp water
1 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 clove of garlic
3 large zucchini (I used 1 large, 2 small for E and I)
1 large organic peach, diced
fresh basil for garnish
grated parmesan

In a saute pan, heat coconut oil over medium heat. Once the pan is heated, toss in pepitas and sea salt and sauté until they start to smell a little toasty, 3-4 minutes (I don’t time them, I just go by smell; if they start popping, take them off the heat!). Pour them onto a plate and let them cool slightly.

Blend the pepitas in a food processor until they reach a consistency like almond meal, or like very small breadcrumbs. Blend in olive oil, basil, water, lemon juice, and garlic until combined. I like mine thicker and on the chunky side, but if you’d like yours to be thinner, blend in more olive oil or water. This will make more pesto than you need for two people—refrigerate the leftovers in a lidded glass jar in the fridge.

Using a spiralizer, turn the zucchini into noodles! (My favorite part, we’ve already established that I’m pretty much a five year old). If you don’t own a spiralizer (which I recommend getting, I LOVE mine), you can use a veggie peeler to shave off zucchini noodles instead. I steam my zucchini noodles for a few minutes until softened but still with a bite to them.

Toss hot noodles with several healthy spoonfuls of pesto, and stir in the diced peaches. I added salt and pepper to taste at this point as well. Serve with grated parmesan and fresh basil for garnish!

June 24, 2014

Things.

Ugh sorry sorry sorry I know it’s been forever since we’ve had an invisible internet friend chat… but I’m back now with random things so you can rest easy. I know, you suuuuper missed me. Or something.

This is pretty much going to be one of those photo dump posts… I’ve made and eaten a lot in the last weekish and am feeling a little braindead. Back with a normal recipe post shortly…

Firstly this.

Because…. just because. I just think it’s way too good not to share. Agreed?

Just do me a favor and don’t take this out of context… no, my family does not lollop around dressed in early Californiana-esque garments… nor do we secretly own a saloon/tavern/gambling/dancing establishment. Just no. However, we did decide we needed a new family portrait. So that happened.

And then there was Father’s Day! Or rather, Father’s Day happened before all of the vintage photograph shenanigans but it’s family and therefore relatable so MOVING ON. Vati requested something chocolate and spicy, so I made him these!

Salted chocolate, cayenne and ginger ice cream sammies!!

The recipe is from The Artful Desperado, here, and I made a few changes:

1.5 c whole wheat pastry flour instead of all-purpose (obvi)
1/2 c avocado oil instead of canola
3/4 c extra dark chocolate chips+some chunks from a 70% bar
1 c brown sugar+ 1/2 c white***
baked for 13 minutes, yield 15 cookies+ one little baby one

***As you know, I pretty much never ever make things with refined sugar any more (some of the older recipes on the blog do though)… but as Vati specifically requested something sugary and decadent, there you go. It was Father’s Day, after all, and what he says goes.

He looooved them. They are dark and spicy and PERFECT with some good quality vanilla ice cream smashed in the middle. I only caution you if you’re not a fan of spicy things, as these are not particularly for the faint of heart. Especially if you don’t like spicy desserts. If you do, however, I can’t really recommend these enough.

They got annihilated.

Dinner was this spectacular steelhead with potatoes and bacon and red wine sauce. Gastro heaven, thank you Farallon.

Reason number one why I love summer [actually might be one of the only reasons since I hate being hot so much, but regardless]:

SO. MUCH. FRUIT. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

And also chocolate. Because… chocolate.

Oh oh oh!! One last random. HUMPHRY SLOCOMBE [quite possibly the best ice cream ever] opened a shop in the Ferry Building, which means it’s only a short hop away on the Oakland-SF ferry. Winninggggggg. E and I literally ate our way into an ice cream coma last week. Secret Breakfast [bourbon cornflake]+banana beach blanket [with peanuts!!!]+bourbon caramel for me; sea salted chocolate+vanilla honey+bourbon caramel+frosted almonds for him. All hail the ice cream mecca!

And now I need a nap.

June 15, 2014August 5, 2017

Sometimes you just gotta go big

You know those times.

For when there’s a dinner party with besties+boys and you’re bringing dessert (because um obviously, why would I bring anything else?!) and really… dinner party desserts = epic. Because on a random week day cookies or a simple sheet cake are all well and good, but a layer cake? I wish. I mean, I could but a) unfortunately don’t have time for that and b) I would be a zillion pounds if I baked like this all the time.

BUT. For a dinner party? Absolutely. Keep that in mind, all y’all who want my desserts… invite me to your next din din shenanigans! Ha. I totally break the silly rule allllll the time that says you’re not supposed to try out new recipes on guests (or I suppose hosts) but HELLO if I did that I would never make anything new, so too bad. Luckily enough not only was this not an unmitigated disaster, but it was freaking fantastic. Like maybe the best cake I’ve made and eaten in…. months. At least.

Mutti said it was the best cake I’d ever made… and I went home with one slice out of an entire two layer, 9″ cake. Hmm… I think I’m picking up on something here… this cake was DAMN good. I know I know, you’re not supposed to say your own food is good but I can’t help it because I want this all over again and it’s gone and what whyyyy?!

I may have to make this again. Really really really soon. Someone have a dinner party!! Extra points if it’s themed and there’s a costume element… just mentioning…

Don’t wait till your next dinner party to make this. Do yourself a favor, and then have cake for breakfast. Because we all know that’s what you get to do when you’re an adult.

Banana Caramel Cake with Salted Coconut Caramel and Caramel Buttercream

Besides that this is utterly DELICIOUS, it also happens to be refined sugar free! The caramel is paleo (though the cake isn’t), and the cake is made with whole wheat flour so you get a bit of good fiber and whole grains with your decadence. Cake and buttercream recipes are slightly adapted from the Kitchn, here, and the caramel comes from An Edible Mosaic, here! Makes one two layer, 9″ cake, enough buttercream to fill and top cake, and a generous amount of caramel because OF COURSE you want some left over for drizzle purposes later. I recommend making the caramel a day early, so you can just do cake+buttercream the day you’re eating all the goodness.

Salted Coconut Caramel

Makes more than enough to drizzle over cake while frosting, plus more for drizzle purposes just prior to eating. AND has enough for leftovers later. Win win win. The yield is somewhere around 2.5 cups of caramel. You’ll use at least 1.5 generous cups for the cake+buttercream, and then at least another 1/2 cup for drizzle.

2 cans full-fat coconut milk
1/2 c pure maple syrup
1/2 c coconut sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp unsalted butter
scant 1 tsp fine sea salt

In a saucepan over medium high heat, combine coconut milk, maple, and coconut sugar. Let it boil, then turn it down so it’s just barely boiling, with the bubbles just breaking the surface. Whisking continuously, cook for 15-20 minutes, until the caramel has thickened slightly (though it will still be a runnier caramel, that’s fine), the liquid has reduced, and the color is darker. I cooked mine for a bit over 20 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla, butter, and sea salt, and whisk until smooth. Let cool completely in the pan, then store in a sealed jar in the fridge [because we know I store everything in jars anyway].

Banana Caramel Cake

3/4 c grass-fed, unsalted butter, softened to room temp for an hour
3/4 c coconut sugar
3 eggs
3 c whole wheat pastry flour
1.5 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 c unsweetened almond milk
2 tsp vanilla
1.5 c mashed, ripe bananas (about 4-5 bananas)
heaping 1 c of coconut caramel (recipe above)

Preheat the oven to 325, and grease two 9″ baking pans with coconut oil/butter.

in a large bowl, cream together the softened butter and coconut sugar (I used a hand mixer), until fluffy. Add in the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition until the batter becomes silky looking and slightly lighter in color.

In a smaller bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and sea salt. Thoroughly mash bananas in a small bowl, then whisk them together with the almond milk and vanilla. Begin adding flour mixture and banana mix into the butter+eggs bowl, beating after each addition and alternating dry-wet-dry-wet-dry until incorporated. Pour batter into prepared pans. Pour a heaping 1/2 cup of caramel over each pan, and use a knife to swirl the liquid into the cake batter (it’s best if it isn’t completely incorporated, leave some caramelly pockets).

Bake for 45-50 minutes, when a tester should come out clean. Let cool in the pans for a few minutes, then run a knife around the edges and turn them out onto cooling racks. Let cool completely before frosting.

Caramel Buttercream

1/2 c grass fed, unsalted butter
1/2 c caramel sauce (recipe above)
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1.5 c powdered sugar

In a largeish bowl, use a hand mixer to beat together butter, caramel sauce, vanilla, and sea salt until mostly incorporated and smooth(don’t worry if at first it looks a little grainy, mine smoothed right out after I beat in the sugar). Pour in powdered sugar, and beat until a silky frosting forms.

Once cake is completely cool, flip the bottom layer carefully onto your cake plate of choice, frost the middle, then flip the other layer on top. Frost that, using as much buttercream as humanly possible. Be a little careful, as this frosting tends to slip a little bit (don’t make any radical maneuvers with your cake whilst transporting or anything). Top with more drizzled caramel (obvi), and some unsweetened shredded coconut+chopped pecans if that floats your boat (it very much floated mine and my dinner companions). It’s also especially awesome with good vanilla ice cream…

Store the cake in the fridge prior to serving, as well as any leftovers (ha, I dare you).

June 12, 2014August 5, 2017

Extraordinarily long and delicious sandwich names

Okay Peeps. Here are some interesting tidbits I’ve mentally noted over the last several weeks at work. They’re like… retail pet peeves and rules. Anyone who has ever worked in retail: you get this. Anyone who hasn’t… take mental notes!! Ha. I’m sure you’re a totally fab, contentious shopper though, right?? Right. As I thought (Otherwise we wouldn’t be cool internet friends, because I’m only friends with cool peeps).

1. If I greet you all cheerfully three feet from the door, chirping, “HELLO! How are you doing today?”, the normal response is “Oh fine thanks, how are you?”. A normal response is NOT: a) staring blankly at me like I’m an alien; b) rudely ignoring me and walking the other way [look. I promise I won’t stalk you while you shop. I’m simply SAYING HELLO]; c) staring at me like I’m an alien for 5 seconds, and then tentatively asking, “Um.. do you work here?” … No. of course not. I just stand inside the doors of random retail establishments greeting people with a silly grin on my face. All day. For fun.

…

OF COURSE I work here. I also don’t fold massive stacks of pants or ring people up on the tills for funzies, so if I’m doing either of those things, pleeeeeease don’t ask me if I work here. Really. I do. I promise.

2. What is it about a freshly folded stack of whatever that just screams “I’M FRESHLY FOLDED! UNFOLD ME AND DUMP ME EVERYWHERE, INCLUDING THE FLOOR!”. WHY do people decide to rifle through the piles of freshly folded things when I am right there refolding?! You know, asking is awesome. I would be SO HAPPY to pull out that shirt for you, maintaining the crispness of my previous folding work, rather watch and seethe as the invasive hands come in and extricate the shirt third from the bottom, leaving the rest in questionable assorted piles.

3. Just because someone opens the door on their way out of the store after we’re closed, does SO not mean sneaking in to shop post-close is acceptable. It’s not. We’re CLOSED!! Closed does not equal private shop time. I have shit to fold, people! Remember all those nice looking piles?? Yep. Remembering is key since they soooo don’t look like that anymore.

I do kind of laugh at all this, though… some of the weirdest stuff makes for the best stories anyway, so sometimes weird is good. But really. Retail. Oi. It is a beast unto itself.

Which is why I invented this:

To eat after a day of being stared at like an alien and asked if you work there elevendy billion times. Oh. And for those days when you dream of folding pants in your sleep…

So here is this epically fantastic sandwich that I made last night. For dinner. Because only really, really cool people eat this kind of thing for dinner. Aren’t you SO glad you’re friends with one?! Or at least we’re invisible internet friends. That’s a relief… otherwise, this might not exist in your life and then you’d be sad.

Grilled Banana, Dark Chocolate and Pecan Butter Sandwiches

Clearly this needs a shorter name, but hoooomg I don’t care because it tastes so fantastic I needed to spell everything out for you. OH. And there’s coconut in there too, which obviously just makes everything amazing. This is in no way gluten free, vegan (hellloooo, butter) or savory, but hey. Life is all about moderation (and obvi subs can be made: olive oil or vegan butter, gf bread, etc).
I LOVE grilling sammies. They are SO much better that way. This recipe serves makes 2 messy, delicious sammies… I suggest eating them with someone who loves food, just like you!

4 slices of sturdy whole grain bread
4 tsp good-quality salted butter
8 tbsp chocolate pecan butter (recipe below)
2-4 tbsp unsweetened shredded coconut (Depending on how much you love coconut)
4 tbsp dark chocolate (mine was 70%)
1 banana

I’m going to assume you could figure this out, but just in case… Butter the outsides of two slices of bread, then flip one over and liberally spread 2 tbsp of pecan butter thoroughly over the side. Sprinkle coconut over it, then top with 1/2 a banana, thinly sliced, and 2 tbsp dark chocolate. Spread another 2 tbsp of pecan butter over the other unbuttered side of bread, then smoosh it all (carefully) together, butter sides out. Grill in a pan over medium-low heat until the outsides are perfectly browned (and a little burnt, if you’re me) and the insides are just perfectly melty. Repeat for a second sammie… then cut into triangles and indulge shamelessly.

Eat immediately. There will not be leftovers, obviously…

Chocolate Pecan Butter

Not too sweet, with the emphasis on pecans—think along the lines of almond butter. Gluten free, dairy free, paleo, vegan. Yaddayaddayada… let’s just say it’s delicious, mmk?! Yield: about 1 cup.

1.5 c raw pecans
1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1.5 tsp vanilla extract
a good hefty pinch of sea salt

Process pecans in a food processor until a butter starts forming—-you’ll probably need to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl, to integrate the really blended and not-so-blended stuff. Keep processing until the butter is smoother, about 2-4 minutes, depending on the strength of your food processor. Add in cocoa powder, vanilla, and salt, and pulse to combine. Taste and adjust seasoning to your personal preference! Maple would be good here, if you wanted it sweeter.

Store in a sealed jar in the fridge for a week or two (assuming it lasts that long. Mine lasted 2 days, ha).

June 9, 2014

“Adult” decisions and more cookies.

You know what’s fun about being an “adult” [I use this term loosely..] and spending all day at the beach and it being summer+hot?

Ice cream becomes a perfectly acceptable dinner.

Trust me. Try it. Go to the beach first though, that makes all the difference.

Barring that, once your kitchen isn’t a thousand degrees, make cookies! I mean really though… why on earth would I ever want to turn my oven on when it’s already stupid hot at 9 am. Good thing I put on dirtyish clothes to go to Jazzercise this morning because um HELLO SWEATING. So baking is clearly not an option today because I did enough sweating this morning and I really don’t feel the need to subject myself to inferno blasts from the open oven. No thanks. I mean, I suppose I could make some dashboard cookies but I don’t really relish the idea of walking outside and dealing with my ~~oven~~ hot car.

Also ps. Being an adult is totally relative. I might look like one on the outside… but ha. Don’t be fooled. Sprinkles are the bomb. I will never ever in eleventh billion lifetimes grow out of rainbow sprinks. Or jumping for silly photos. I like to have competitions with myself to see how airborne I can get.

I also apparently eat everything out of jars.

But anyway. Enough whining about how hot it is and how I’m really a five year old inside my adultish skin suit. Let’s talk cookies, mmk?

These little guys come together ridiculously fast, which is how cookies should be in my book. They’re super fudgy and chocolatey, with just a little hint of banana flavor. I actually made them awhile ago, but I want them again. NOW. It is really unfortunate that there are no bananas to be had around here… how did THAT happen??

Grain Free Chocolate Banana Cookies

These are straight up delicious. Fudgy and only a little banana-y, and lightish on account of the coconut flour. Don’t skimp on good dark chocolate for the chippies, that makes all the difference. Paleo, gluten free, grain free, and refined sugar free! Recipe only slightly adapted from Home to Heather, here! Yield: 10 good sized cookies.

1/3 c coconut flour (sifted if it’s super lumpy)
1/4 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
1 ripe banana
2 eggs
1/8 c raw honey
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 c dark chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a medium bowl, whisk together coconut flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and sea salt. In a smaller bowl, mash banana, then toss in eggs, honey, and vanilla. Whisk vigorously to combine. Pour wet into dry, add in chocolate chips, and stir until just combined. Drop batter by roundish balls onto the prepared cookie sheet, flattening them slightly. Bake for 12-14 minutes (mine were perfect at 13). Let cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes before moving them to a cooling rack. Store any leftovers (ha) in the fridge.

June 6, 2014

Things that are shockingly savory and also green

Shut the front door.

I spy something savory!!

What. Shocking.

Good thing I balanced it out with those awesome fudgy brownie cookies I mentioned in the last post. But actually, this is delicious. AND savory. You must feel like a proud parent. Additionally, this flatbread is stupid easy. As in like, whizzbangboomLUNCH. Which is awesome because as we know I don’t really like waiting for my food. Which is why I am mostly too lazy to make yeasted breads even though they’re delicious and not entirely difficult. I’m just impatient. Sigh. Story of my life.

Anyway. Want to know what happens nearly every time I photograph something?

Actually, maybe you don’t.

But… too bad. I’m sharing anyway [my blog, ha]… Ready?

I drop my camera in my food.

For reals. Like a child. A clumsy one, at that. I swear, that camera has three years worth of blog food residue on it (EW GROSS I promise that isn’t true. I totally clean it off after I drop it. Like an adult. Ish.). But in the last few weeks it’s come into closer contact than I suppose it wishes with some really awesome guac, some flan (twice on the same photo shoot you ask?! Um yes. Welcome to my life), and most recently some cookies. No, I did NOT drop in in the flatbread. Ha. At least I am sort of winning at my own game… or not.

So anyway. Make some of this deliciousness. I’m pretty sure no one is entirely positive where this originated… some say Egypt, the French say France, and no doubt the Italians say Italy. I don’t much care, as long as I can eat it. Mine is a little thicker than the variety you can find in France, which is more like a crepe, but I like it heartier because then I can get creative with what goes on it. I’ve made it once before, Italian-style (here, disregard mildly awful photography), but this one is my new favorite.

Besides that, I made an awesome green sauce to go with it. It’s like pesto, but lighter. And greener. Because, obviously.

Mushroom and Rosemary Socca

Recipe inspired by Food 52, here! Serves 3, roughly, for an appetizer or a light lunch. Gluten free and vegan.

1 c chickpea flour
1 c water
1.5 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, plus a little extra [divided]
1 tsp sea salt
~1/2 tsp fresh rosemary, finely chopped
a good handful of white button mushrooms
1 chunk of frozen basil, or a few good sized leaves, chiffonaded
a splash of good balsamic vinegar
a glug of avocado oil (or other high heat oil)

In a medium sized bowl, whisk together flour, water, 1.5 tbsp olive oil, sea salt, and rosemary. Set aside for about 30 minutes, more or less is not a big deal.

Heat a bit of olive oil and basil in a sauté pan over medium. When oil is hot, sauté mushrooms until they begin to release their juices and turn that great shade of golden/brown/sautéed mushroom color. Splash in a bit of balsamic, and cook for a minute more. Remove pan from heat, and pour slightly cooled mushrooms into the batter.

Preheat the oven to 450, and muscle out your cast iron skillet [mine is about 11″, so my socca is fairly thin]. Stick the skillet into the preheating oven for a bit so it gets hot enough that you need an oven mitt to take it out. Pour that glug of avo oil into the preheated skillet and swirl it around so it evenly coats the bottom. Pour the batter into the prepared skillet, and place it back into the oven. Bake for 6-8 minutes, until the top is just firm. Remove and let rest for a few minutes before cutting and serving. I took all of mine out of the skillet and let it cool on racks for a bit, as I didn’t want it to overcook. Keeps fairly well in the fridge for at least a day, but is best served right after it’s made.

Startlingly Green Sauce

I apologize in advance for the vagueness of this recipe. It’s really up to your taste, so use what sounds good and tastes appealing to you! I use whatever I have on hand, but typically the base ingredients are the same. Incidentally, this makes an excellent pasta sauce… Gluten free, vegan. Makes about 1 cup.

two good handfuls of mixed greens
1 c frozen peas, defrosted
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
salt+pepper to taste
~1/4 c nutritional yeast
~1 tsp balsamic vinegar
1/4 c raw cashews, soaked for a few minutes for easier blending
2 tsp frozen basil, or a good handful of fresh
1/2 tsp dried oregano or diced fresh
perhaps a splash of Bragg’s liquid aminos, if you’re feeling it

Chuck the load into your food processor, and blend the crap out of it! Taste. Like what you taste? Fab! Eat! Not so much? Adjust as needed. More salt… more nutritional yeast… garlic? Why not. The green sauce is your oyster. Spread on whatever it needs to be spread on, i.e. socca and pasta and other delicious things.

Wait…are those…cookies?!

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